Seems

Life is Balance

2012-02-08T12:40:00.003-05:00

This isn't my work. One Drew Grav-Graham is actually the author of this. He's the editor of Sheridan College's student magazine "Travis".

I always thought I was a communist. Somewhere, that line is going to get me on J. Edgar Hoover’s blacklist. I believe that everyone deserves a fair shake when it comes to healthcare and education, and that the environment is something we’re all accountable for. But Occupy Toronto has got me thinking that maybe I’m not a communist.

I’m somewhere right in the middle. I think that certain rights should be granted to everyone, but that working hard should pay off. In 2001, the top 10% of Americans owned 71% of the wealth in America. The top 1% owned a whopping 38% of that. The shocking part was that the bottom 40% owned less than 1%. Out of context those numbers are pretty disturbing. But I just don’t feel right feeling like that top 1% owes us something.

That top 1% worked and struggled and sacrificed just like the rest of us. I think of it like a race, the people who finish at the top are the ones that ate right, worked out every day, and made sacrifices in their daily lives to achieve what they wanted. Then there are the average people, they tried, but it was hard to eat right and exercise every day, but when it came race day, they put their best foot forward and tried. And then there’s the bottom, who didn’t do either and probably slept in.

There’s a lot wrong with the top 1% but re-appropriating their hard earned dollars isn’t going to change anything. That 1% will eventually rise to the top, and it will be because they are the ones innovating and selling us cars, gas, iphones, and Artizia. What it boils down to is that we, the 99%, paved the way for that 1% to rise to the top. They’re selling what we’re buying and it’s making them rich.

I saw Fight Club a long time ago, and I guess that’s where I gave up fighting “The Man”. It’s ridiculously ironic that a commercial success like that sparked a generation of angst towards consumerism. That top 1% packaged our proletariat rage and sold it back to us and we fell for it.

It’s a mad world that we live in, but I don’t feel full of rage that we live in a capitalist state. My philosophy is that change comes from within. There’s a line in the Darcys’ new album, that’s really stuck with me, “stop thinking like a millionaire,” and in this financial climate it makes perfect sense. If we’re ever going to close the gap, we need to stop feeling entitled to the wealth in the country and start working for it. It’s so much harder to change our lifestyle for the better than it is to tell others their lifestyles are wrong. We can make conscious purchasing decisions, we can ask questions. We are part of the 99%, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have an individual responsibility to affect change.

I know we’re not American, but the Occupy Toronto event is based off the American Occupy Wall Street and their goal seems to coincide with the American economy rather than the Canadian.

If you want to check out the magazine this article came from, here's the link: http://issuu.com/sillss/docs/travis.vol.6.issue.2.web

What time is it? Adventure Time!!!

2012-01-16T02:03:00.003-05:00

So far, no luck with the "going to bed early" resolution....

It's currently 2:13 AM.

However, the youtube cover per week is going very well!

Two so far:

"Emily" by Simon Fallon

Emily

"Swing Life Away" by Rise Against

Swing Life Away

Soon I'll have blog posts that have more substance however!

So this is the New Year!!

2012-01-01T19:54:00.003-05:00

So only two resolutions this year.

1. Post a new Youtube song cover each week.

2. Go to bed earlier (11-ish or so).

Ready, set... go!!!

It's just the story of a kid and his thoughts...

2011-10-31T22:18:00.002-04:00

The mark of the creative person is not great ideas alone;

It's also the willingness to give every idea a chance.

Also I would like it to be made known that I don't believe I am agnostic actually. It's that I have daddy issues with my human pops and the father in heaven.

Here's some free advice: postpone the awesome blog post you make at 4 AM (hint: reference to OLP's kick ass song) until the morning.

But I'm still glad I did it now instead of 5 years down the road with my eventual 7 followers.

Never fear, I can see a path up and over the mountain in front of me. It's gonna be ok.

I'll be back so don't you go anywhere!

...and to all a good night.

2011-10-16T03:52:00.002-04:00

It's 3:52 AM when I start this post. I'm passingly curious to see how long I will spend on this before watching Reboot until I fall asleep.

I had a talk with Brittany tonight. She and several other friends have really broken through to me over the past... however long school has been going on for. It's a good break-through, albeit an uncomfortable one at times but life should always have some level of discomfort; a balance between complete comfort/stagnation and unpredictability/instability.

Life is Balance. That's one of my themes this school year.

Brittany and I talked about a lot, especially about me. It's a familiar sensation after therapy, one I'm still not quite used to, but I'm becoming used to not being used to it.

Still with me? Good, cause there's more...

There are a few things that I need to keep in mind for my coming life:

Maybe we need to be told the sane thing over and over again; that's why so many songs sound the same in our heads.

I'm proud because I've survived being insecure all my life therefore my insecurities drive me as without them I have no pride.

I think I'm an agnostic because I have so much trouble reconciling God the Father and by extension, Jesus the son.

I am not alone in my actions. There's a community that is affected by everything I do.

I have more questions than answers. And unlike LOST, that's ok.

Letting go is the hardest thing ever. Especially when you're petrified you'll never feel the same way again.

I'm relearning how to feel and how to define those feelings. For example: You trust someone when you feel safe being uncomfortable around them.

I have vices so that I can trust people I don't normally trust. This holds so much appeal because I have not felt safe in a long time.

I also have vices that I use to elevate my mood because they are more consistent at delivering pleasure, even if it is a shallow, momentary thrill.

Alright, Reboot time!!

Now that I see you, it doesn't change a thing.

2011-09-24T16:23:00.003-04:00

This isn't the blog entry I want to write.

But it has the benefit of being me.

After a 2 or 3 AM trip to Sobeys, eating a whole container of cantaloupe and half a box of cookies along with downing two rather large mugs of tea while attempting to catch up on The Office, I realized something.

I push people away from me after I open up to them.

Also, peeing while half asleep is only fun for so long.

Whenever I told someone something that affects me deeply, something that sits on the very core of my being, something inside me changed. Instead of growing closer to them like one would expect after years of watching "coming of age" films, I avoid them.

I have a couple of reasons right now:

1. I was in a very up and down relationship with my family growing up. I got a lot of mixed signals in terms of how much they loved me. (Another post for another time)

I'm not ragging on them or anything, I'm just saying it as I see it right now.

2. I want to feel betrayed by people. This could fill an entire book unto itself but hopefully it suffices to say that the person I aspire to be is the underdog/the outcast who trumps all odds. So when I push you away it's easier to tell myself that it's not my fault and that I am like my heros.

(side note on that last point: that's also part of the reason why I agree to do things for people like record songs or edit a video and then never do. It's because I want to feel the pain of alienation)

There was owing to be more elaboration on this, but I can't remember what I wanted to say now.

This is going to be harder for me to post so I'm writing this part now before I finish the whole thing. I want to do this to be out there to apologize for myself over the past 15 years of my life (Up until 7 or 8 I was totally normal)

So while this is for everyone who I have let down over that time, there are a bunch in mind that have weighing heavily on me…

Esko

Abby

Erica

Scottie

Andrew

Amanda

Keeley

Kevin

My Mom and Dad

Jon

Christiaan

Rachel

Hayley

Erik

Adom

Laurent

Kait

Brittany

Jaren

Michelle

Dave and Tamsynn

Brandilee

Shit, I bottle things up.

I wanted to tell you guys especially. It might take sometime though, if you'll let me try to make it right.

And just as a note of hope I suppose, a huge thank you goes out to Austin. Thanks for letting me back in dude. I'm glad we became friends again, unbelievably very glad.

This is weird; this might be my first post where I'm actually talking about personal stuff with people I know.

If this is too weird for anyone here, let me know and I'll take it down. I just want to say it. If only for one day.

With God's grace this ship will turn round

Son of the Morning

2011-08-15T17:46:00.004-04:00

I am Thunder

I wish I could go back over all the months that I never did write anything and empty all the experience. Even if most of it was going through the garbage of Toronto.
This summer has been different, just like all the other ones before it. I've always had a unique summer every year I feel.
I need only to find the few things that make me happy and stay with those; but trying to like all the things that my friends like has opened my eyes.
I'm going to make people angry even though I don't know what for yet. All I know is that it doesn't bother me as much as it did before.
I'll always be torn between wanting to be the mysterious stranger who explodes alone and the keg standing partier surrounded by good friends.
I'm glad I'm going back to Redeemer. No matter how much it costs.
I'll always be jealous of other artists, no matter how much I like them or their work.
I've chosen the worst vice of them all but I love that I know that it's ok; I'm not ashamed.
I've always held back for fear of sweating too much, except in shows and in City of Snow's first music video. I like that.
I realize I started every sentence here with "I". Screw you if you think that's too prideful; I've got a life to live before it's over.
And I intend to figure some of it out before then.

Welcome Home

2011-01-15T01:47:00.006-05:00

Hey everyone (aka Brittany)

Happy New Year! I will post my resolutions soon; rest assured they were made within the week after the year started. I think that's still allowed?

But that's moot. I want to post this:

"Why is it so hard to do good in this world?

It’s bad enough that we have to fight against our own human natures and drives that tell us to look out for number one,

But why do we have to fight against other people too?"

I wrote that in the old year, intending to post it with nothing else. And now the new Dan wants to tell the old Dan a thing or two.

It makes sense why someone would write it, as though it poses a thought-provoking and emotion-laden question that everyone needs to take a time out to think over.

But it's really not much more than whining and pining after a magic solution.

I call it whining because it really offers no solution and just tries to get everyone to come around to your point of view. There is a difference to seeing things as they are and just beating a dead horse.

The magic solution is the Epic Speech. In some movies, the main character will get up in front of the entire audience/their schoolmates/fellow citizens/etc. and give a stirring soliloquy that opens their eyes to the truth and simultaneously drive them to action. Whether or not that has actually worked is not the point (but I do want to know).

The point the post above is trying to be the Epic Speech, but it can't. Everyone knows the question and has an answer.

-If we don't look out for number one, no one else will

-If we're all good, then we should realize everyone is trying to be good already

-If we're all bad, then we should just do what "God" wants

-If we're all selfish, why not embrace it? Someone else will

And so on...

People come to peace with it.

This is actually a breath of fresh air to me because I've been trying to be such a compelling example of truth and love and understanding, at least online.

But really, that's not me. I'm light and dark. Pure and dirty. Broken and whole. Sometimes I feel more one than the other and if I can't acknowledge both sides of myself, the part that loves and the part that hates, I can't live this life. Thankfully, I'm getting used to me.

I hope you understand all this Brittany and also anyone else who reads this (welcome first timers!)

In case anyone is feeling at all sad or depressed, just go to Youtube and watch the Princess Bride lightsaber battle. If you like either movies, you will appreciate this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VYVQooRSlzg

I have entirely too many books to read.

2010-11-24T20:58:00.004-05:00

I always love free books. There's a bunch across from me at Redeemer and I grabbed the most controversial ones and the ones that will make me the most angry. So I took the one that predicts how Russia is going to be the instrument of Satan in the end times; the one that speaks in critique of cults; the one that debunks magic myths (I'm pretty sure they're going to call anything supernatural stuff that doesn't involve praying to God as demons); the one with essays about abortion; and the one that defends Christianity.

So far, all I've come away with is that God will help the US fund weapons to completely destroy Iraq, Iran and all their civilians.

Bands should always be changing members. It helps keep the music alive I feel if new blood is coming in and if members are coming and going as they please. Like Dallas Green from Alexisonfire. If you have 5 guys in a band and the lineup never changes, eventually the music may get formulaic after awhile. Thoughts?

My friend told me today that they don't like people who over spiritualize. I agreed with them. It's great to talk about God in both the abstract and the concrete sense, but I also want to talk about things like the merits of apple juice over orange juice and why it makes sense for high schools to let kids drop out earlier to get into trade school. I'm just going to leave if you keep talking about God for hours and hours on end. Just so you know.

Lonely Soldier, Go Home

2010-06-10T18:24:00.004-04:00

It's been some time since you've heard from me, or so says my Brittany.

First, a quote: "Everyone has the right to not be harassed; but no one has the right to not be offended"
Sharon Klassen, my theatre/literature prof from years 1 and 3

Second, a musing. It seems to me that the whole feminist movement as I understand it was a good thing... for girls. I was watching some kids today, and I struck me that girls seem completely content to be bouncing back and forth between gender roles even at that age. They are allowed to be sweet and girly, and then be the macho leader. All in the span of 2 minutes.
the boys on the other hand, looked like they wanted to get in on this gender role confusion. they want a piece of the pie too. But sadly, they are only allowed to be the macho leader.
Is this the natural evolution of society? Or is the male gender going to continue to sequester their more sentimental psyche?
I personally think this is why some guys have bi polar.

Third, another musing. In the interest of fair play, I recently read 2 books from "The Kingdom Series". I say fair play because I had a low opinion of the series before I read them and my mom said I can't judge something until I try it. So I tried it. My opinion is very low.
It's a collection of kid's novels that are basically a re-wording of the Old Testament, set in a fictional land ala Middle Earth/Narnia. I'm pretty sure I won't recommend these books to anyone, kid or adult. For instance, the main character's name is Leinad and the city that is meant to symbolize Babylon is called Daydelon.
Zero character development. Leinad is happy. He is sad. He is confused. That's the emotional depth we get to experience from the main character.
And the series is riddled with Just War theory.
Some of my thoughts on said theory:
1. I don't condemn those who fight. I probably will never be in an army so I don't have the experience to back up any opinion on the military. I respect those who are fighting and who have fought because they put their lives on the edge for what they believe. I hope I have the courage to do the same.
2. I don't like freedom and war together. In my mind, it's impossible to use the one to gain the other. There's a line in the second book that says how Leinad knew that peace could only be achieved through war. Granted, it was war on "shadow warriors" who symbolize demons; but they are men in the books. Will the new generation truly make a distinction? Especially if they're told that fighting for your country is right? I'm actually not exceptionally worried, kids are smart if you let them be.
3. Nationalism and religion should never mix. To do so puts God on the side of the country that worships him. God is never a citizen of any nation.
4. There's a verse in the Bible where Jesus tells Peter, a freedom fighter for the Jewish nation, that those who live by the sword die by the sword. He never says whose sword they will die on. In my mind, it's a 50 50 chance that it's my own or my enemy's.
5. Satan is called "The Dark Knight" in The Kingdom Series. If these books catch on, there is potential for an entire generation of humans to reject Batman. And this just should not happen!

Alright, I ranted. But it's better that these things are online for public display than stuck inside my head right?

Will the future blame us?

2010-02-15T22:37:00.003-05:00

Sometimes the world just makes me emotional.
This is part of the liner notes for Our Lady Peace's 2005 album "Healthy In Paranoid Times":

1165 days were needed to record Healthy In Paranoid Times...
Within these 1165 days...
43 songs were written and recorded
220 hours were spent on flying in airplanes
10 different studios were used
2,000 hours were spent both discussing and playing music
6,000 gigabytes of hardware storage was needed for recording
58 packages of guitar strings were used
11 thousand dollars was spent on food for the band
30 active wars were fought across the globe
Iraq was invaded for a second time
9.8 million people died from AIDS
19.2 million people had cosmetic surgery in North America
2,000 American soldiers died in Iraq
300,000 civilians died in Darfur
2 million were displaced in Darfur
30 billion cases of soft drinks were sold
6,708 hours of T.V. was watched by the average child
4,042,030 people died of cancer in North America
40,000 hybrid vehicles sold
118,000,000 gas vehicles sold
3 trillion dollars was spent on global arms trade
138 million people ate at McDonalds
38 billion dollars was spent on pornography
815 billion dollars were profited by pharmaceutical companies
54 million people died from extreme poverty
Apple iTunes sold it's 500,000,000th song
0 weapons of mass destruction were found in Iraq
42 insects swallowed by the average person while sleeping
6 billion people walked on the planet
3 billion people lived on 2 dollars a day
9 billion dollars was all that was needed for all the third world to have clean water
27 billion was spent on music in the US
30,000 animal and plant species became extinct
1 billion metric tons of hazardous waste was generated
29 billion dollars was spent on video games
400,000 dollars donated by Paris Hilton to charity from sales of her porn DVD
4.8 million children taking Ritalin

This was 5 years ago; reading it again today makes me curious about what's different now.

I'd rather be working for a pay check than waiting to win the lottery.

2009-12-07T19:15:00.002-05:00

Well, maybe I could think of more fun things to do or that I would want to do, but I would still rather work than wait to get lucky.

Reason #1: It allows me to feel useful apart from what other people say or feel about me. I don't have to have as much affirmation from relationships with my fellow humans to make me feel fulfilled.

Reason #2: I get paid now rather than later. There's more stability with a salaried job.

Reason #3: I don't go crazy. I have a bit more purpose in life.

Reason #4: It opens me to new experiences and people. Like the collection of people I met at the harvest for the winery. I might do that again next year just because it was a good time.

That's all the reasons I can think of right now I think...

Reason #5: It forces me to bend to other's will. To be humble. To wake up at 6:30 AM and work 'till dark. To do things I never wanted to do ever in my life.

Wow, I am spoiled rotten.

We Are Tomorrow

2009-11-28T21:47:00.003-05:00

Encouragement is affirming what one does right,

Not affirming what one should have done right.

Sports parents get to me sometimes.

Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice

2009-11-21T12:26:00.004-05:00

A couple of things:

Girls can be legitimately called "Shorty". What is that?

Why is that?

Am I old at heart and this is just something I need to adapt to?

I hope so cause as much as I want to be the grumpy old man sitting on my porch cheerfully grumbling about "this generation", I'm not old yet. I'm not allowed to be like that yet.

I suppose as long as girls aren't losing any respect by such changes, it's ok with me. Though I doubt I'll be saying it much.

It strikes me that even if it sounds empowering to have girls and women who are the epitome of men's fantasies, it's the same attitude that kept women in the kitchen for so long.

And speaking of language.

It appears that dropping the F-bomb is taboo among the followers of Christ. Or s--t, d--m, c--p, b---h, and several other euphemisms.

It's alright if you don't swear.

But as far as I know, Christians can't take God's name in vain or let unwholesome talk come out of their mouths.

The first one seems straight forward. Don't say "Oh my God" unless this is something you actually want to discuss with your creator.

The second is where it gets tricky 'cause language is sometimes a very awkward thing to use and English is most likely the worst at proper expression of one's self. How much of what we say is actually wrong and what is actually proper? Right and proper are two different things.

I'd say that what is proper is dictated by society and culture and what is right is dictated by something higher than society and culture.

All I mean by that last bit is there are certain situations where you need to watch what you say. Don't swear when talking to the Queen of England or around your mom. That seems to fall under proper.

But what if there are no right or wrong words? No "Deplorable Word" so to speak? If so, then it seems to me that what important is the attitude and meaning behind what you say.

This may possibly be irrelevant, but in human communication, body language "speaks" most and actual words "speak" least. Something like 7% of communication is words.

People should mean what they say and care more about what the person is feeling instead of the words that come out of their mouths if you ask me. Not that anyone did to warrant that disclaimer.

Taking on seven years

2009-11-10T22:19:00.007-05:00

"Please Hear What I'm Not Saying

Don't be fooled by me.

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

for I wear a mask, a thousand masks,

masks that I'm afraid to take off,

and none of them is me.

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

but don't be fooled,

for God's sake don't be fooled.

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well

as without,

that confidence is my name and coolness my game,

that the water's calm and I'm in command

and that I need no one,

but don't believe me.

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this. I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

a nonchalant sophisticated facade,

to help me pretend,

to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,

and I know it.

That is, if it's followed by acceptance,

if it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls,

from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me

of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,

will not be followed by love.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,

that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

I'm afraid that deep-down I'm nothing

and that you will see this and reject me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

with a facade of assurance without

and a trembling child within.

So begins the glittering but empty parade of masks,

and my life becomes a front.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's really nothing,

and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine

do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say,

what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you've got to help me.

You've got to hold out your hand

even when that's the last thing I seem to want.

Only you can wipe away from my eyes

the blank stare of the breathing dead.

Only you can call me into aliveness.

Each time you're kind, and gentle, and encouraging,

each time you try to understand because you really care,

my heart begins to grow wings--

very small wings,

very feeble wings,

but wings!

With your power to touch me into feeling

you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator--

of the person that is me

if you choose to.

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

you alone can remove my mask,

you alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic,

from my lonely prison,

if you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me

the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man you meet

and I am every woman you meet.

Charles C. Finn

September 1966"

This Internet Fad...

2009-11-04T10:18:00.006-05:00

I wonder what's appropriate to put on a blog. As far as I know, unless you threaten someone or something like a nation, you're free to do and say whatever you wish.

How much of this is beneficial though? I could spill a thousand secrets right here and now which I think may make me feel better, free from the burden of past lies, but there are things I never want to tell anyone.

What if secrets are nothing but lies? At the heart of it, to keep a secret is to deny the truth.

I've heard it said that confession is good for the soul. I've experienced the power of confession and let me assure you, there is nothing as frightening and liberating as revealing something that you have kept inside. Even if it is only to a piece of paper that will never be read.

I sometimes imagine what would happen if everyone on earth had a blog like this, and what would happen if every single person told their single biggest secret that they ever had.

What would happen? I like to hope that it would usher in a world more united. But more like, it would usher in a world that has concrete reason to hate each other more.

That's incredibly pessimistic and cynical. I know because it's not what I want to hear. Every time I talk about world change I make it sound as thought the world is a wounded animal that will continue limping for the rest of time as problem after problem pops up.

But I digress...

As for honesty on the web, thank God for existences like Post Secret. I'm pretty sure they're saving lives.

Truth. Honesty. Accountability. I think these are good things for people to share. But I still don't know the line between what is acceptable to be broadly cast and what is not. Where and when.

And right now the truth is that I'm late for work.

Inventory: Music

2009-10-31T09:24:00.005-04:00

I am 20 years old.

My dream is to the lead singer/songwriter in a band that is Anberlin, Our Lady Peace, Death Cab for Cutie, Circa Survive, Andy Mckee, Explosions in the Sky, Metric, Underoath, Damien Rice, Brand New, The Beatles and the Ataris all mashed into one brilliant, glorious sound.

I have only written 9 complete songs in those twenty years.

I have about two and a half books of ideas as well a mound of loose papers that I fancy someone like Beethoven would carry around.

I currently composing a rock opera/concept album, mostly in my head.

I've fallen asleep with my guitar more than once.

I've played my acoustic all over the house, including the roof.

In highschool, there was a time when I never left for home without 2 or 3 song tabs printed off from the library.

My musician's fantasy is that I'll be playing alone in a corner or room and right after playing a magnificent and impassioned piece that was improvised on the spot, I discover that my soon-to-be new best friend and/or a very attractive girl and/or a talent scout is listening and has fallen deeply in love with my talent and skill.

We then go on an adventure to secure the security video tape that recorded the improvised glory and use it as a ticket to a record deal in which the label doesn't interfere at all with my art because it is more important than making profits.

That last sentence is very recent to my fantasy.

It's easy for me to write music.

It's easy for me to write lyrics.

I don't want to attempt to put the two together for fear of not getting it right on the first try. Or losing a great idea by pairing the wrong lyric with the wrong melody or wrong chords.

I failed my last two music courses.

The last time I had guitar lessons, I stop going halfway through because I was afraid of my teacher's reaction when I didn't practice.

I have a channel on Youtube where I post acoustic covers. So far I have two: Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus and From Yesterday by 30 Seconds To Mars. There's a Damien Rice cover waiting on my mac.

I bought a mac for use of GarageBand and I hardly ever use it.

I have played in praise teams for my church, youth group and school.

I have been in jazz ensemble and choir.

I have been in three bands: Limp Triskit, Flaccid Steel and Wandering Home.

The first's only purpose was for a group presentation at guitar recital.

The second was the name of our "band" in a highschool project video.

The third enjoyed a brief explosion of success and was one of the highlights of my life. We played only three shows.

I sent a demo to a scholarship committee and even though I didn't win, I still have their response and my demo.

I have played in El Salvador and the UK, and toured in Hong Kong with CTI.

I have played three solo shows in my life.

I want to sign to Woodwater Records in Florida. For obvious reasons.

I want to meet/tour with Stephen Christian, Anthony Green, Raine Maida, Conor Oberst, Ben Gibbard and Dallas Green.

And if I could go back in time... John Lennon, Jeff Buckley and Freddie Mercury.

The Fox Hunt

2009-10-30T23:38:00.001-04:00

Why is marriage a scary word? It’s the old Ball ‘N Chain some will say.
A great majority of romantic drama and comedy seem to focus on the dating or the prelude to marriage, the getting-to-know each other period. That’s where all the action and fun is.
I would say it’s a symptom of a cultural idea that marriage is when the fun in a relationship is over. Which kinda blows if that’s true.
So when I thought these thoughts I wondered, why? Maybe marriage can symbolize a loss of freedom, but if you ask me, when you’re spending the rest of your life with your best friend, that doesn’t strike me as a loss so much as a gain.

I’m not really interested in the idea of commitment right now so much as something else.

I personally like to imagine that a great majority of us see marriage as the end of the chase. The chase being the pursuit of someone extremely desirable. As near as I can tell, every human likes to chase or be chased. Maybe they, like myself, want both.

An old saying says something like, “The joy is in the journey, not the destination.”

Now a person is different from a thing. They’re not like a remote control plane that you want for Christmas and that you’ve been asking for ever since July. And when you finally unwrap your dream present, it’s not glorious moment you were expecting.
People aren’t remote control planes. Your significant other may not be a “perfect dream come true”, but it’s a lot harder to get bored of them.

So maybe I just need a change of perspective. So I’m trying this: The chase doesn’t end at marriage, it keeps going. Forever. I should always be trying to attract my crush, my girlfriend, my fiancee, my wife. I’ll be constantly changing and working on my character to catch the eye of the one who’s already caught mine. Even if the relationship is signed and sealed with a ring to match, I want to continue to compete with other males to prove that I am worth her time.
So there’s no end to it. That’s comforting to me. I always liked the idea of a never-ending story better than the happily-ever-after ones.

Superman

2009-10-19T22:29:00.000-04:00

Does Superman feel homesick when he touches Kryptonite?

I mean, it's a piece of his planet after all and if it makes him loses his physical powers, what else does it make him feel? On another level, does it feel good to have this concrete connection to his past and birthplace?

Something new to think about.